That Comma is an Artistic Choice

“That might be better without a comma.” “An adverb would work better here.” “That phrase is better hyphenated.” “An introductory phrase is better followed by a comma.”

My word processing program thinks it knows more about grammar than I do, and it tells me so constantly. Our biggest disagreements are about the use of commas. It reprimands me gently, but the tone changes the deeper I go into a new document. The thing (and it definitely is a thing, not a “him” or “her”) tries to find new ways to convince me. “Double check if a comma is needed here.” “A period would be better here.” “It’s better to have no comma between these phrases.” (That one was used just today, while writing this post.) It’s only a matter of time until my computer is yelling at me, “DON’T USE A COMMA HERE, NITWIT!” or perhaps even deleting the offending comma without my approval.

I freely admit that I appreciate spelling help from my PC. There are some words that I’ve had trouble spelling my entire life, and since the advent of spell check, the need to excel at spelling has gone the way of the dodo. (That’s not to say that I am okay with autocorrect. I emphatically am not. But that’s a different post.) And while I understand the general desire for improved writing, I am less enamored of the grammar and punctuation “tips.” There is room for improvement everywhere you look. For years, my writer son and I have had a sort of contest to point out unnecessary apostrophes wherever we see them, including signs, advertisements and mail. It’s especially fun to find grammatical errors in correspondence from schools–disappointing, but fun. When I find mistakes in library books I’m tempted to correct them in ink pen, but a lifelong aversion to writing in books generally stays my hand. So I do see the need for improvement, but I don’t think that’s what the computers are offering. Fixing spelling errors is helpful. But “fixing” grammar choices that are not errors is not.

Who is deciding the rules that the bots are trying to enforce? There are many different style guides in writing. AP, Chicago, New Oxford, just to name a few, and they all have differing rules. (There’s a reason that commas used in certain situations are called “Oxford commas!”) Publishing houses each have their own style preferences. Newspapers, magazines, websites all make their own grammar choices. And not only are there dozens of recognized styles, but the “rules” actually are changing! I recently learned that I’m no longer supposed to put two spaces at the end of each sentence. Apparently, that’s either a sign of AI-generated text or a sign of me being old (guilty!). Given that I have been including two spaces at the end of each sentence since I learned to type over (mumble mumble) decades ago, the chances of me stopping that now are pretty slim. And besides, when I do it in a text the period is automatically added! (I know, I shouldn’t even use punctuation in texts…) But I digress.

The point of today’s rant–er, post–is that I don’t need AI’s help in deciding whether to include a comma in my writing. I can’t figure out how to turn that feature off (because I’m old, see above), so I just mutter at it every time I get a suggestion. (If you know how, please send me an email with directions.) I think this is a situation where we as a society have accepted and choose to ignore the bothersome pop-ups and squiggly blue underlines from our data processing programs, rather than fighting back and getting them turned off, just because it’s we don’t have the energy. Some people may even think it’s cool that the computer makes those suggestions. But just because the system CAN try to “fix” things doesn’t mean it SHOULD. Especially for things that are not certain. Although the rules regarding the use of apostrophes are finite and complete, the rules around other punctuation marks are more amorphous. I don’t see myself breaking up with any friends over it, but I would love to break up with whatever robot is making the comma suggestions as I write. Clearly Elaine Bennis and I share strong feelings about punctuation, as Elaine and Jerry discussed in a “Seinfeld” episode:

Jerry: It’s an exclamation point! It’s a line with a dot under it.

Elaine: Well, I felt a call for one.

Jerry: A call for one, you know I thought I’ve heard everything. I’ve never heard a relationship being affected by a punctuation.

Elaine: I found it very troubling that he didn’t use one.

I find it troubling that my computer doesn’t trust my punctuation choices. I’d break up with it, but it is way easier to compose on than a typewriter. So instead, I am making my own style guide, which I wish I could teach to my computer. I guarantee that it will include a lot of commas.