Make new friends

I made two new friends last week, in the Chicago airport. I don’t mean that we just chatted for a few minutes–I mean that we actually exchanged contact information and even have texted with each other in the week since we returned to our respective homes. It is not particularly easy to make new friends these days, given how busy we all are with work, family, existing friends, hobbies, etc.–and when everyone has a personal hand-held computer that they can consult at all times to keep them occupied. It’s rare to just strike up a conversation with someone nearby, as my grandfather used to do on a daily basis. So how did this happen?

I was returning from Romania, where I speak annually at a student conference called “Ready for the Future.” (Watch for future posts on that topic and trip!) I had just gotten off of the overseas flight, claimed my bag and immediately re-checked it by carrying it approximately 50 feet (sure to be a post on that topic as well…), rushed through security (yes, I went through security before getting on the plane in Europe, but had to do it again) and speed-walked to the gate for my final flight home. Just as I arrived, the airport (or airline?) brain trust changed the gate of my departing flight to one on a completely different concourse. Tired, grumpy and hungry, I began speed-walking back the way I had just come. As I flew by other walkers, I overheard two ladies muttering to one another about the change of gate–it turns out this was the second gate change for this very flight. Having spoken to virtually no one over the past 20 hours, I slowed down and fell into conversation with my fellow travelers.

As it turns out, Joyce and Maura, who did not know each other before that day, sat next to each other on the first leg of their trips. Maura was on her way home from a business trip and Joyce on her way to a conference. They were connecting through Chicago and on the same next flight, so they sat together and continued their conversation. However, they weren’t supposed to be on my flight. They were supposed to be on an earlier one, but did not hear the boarding announcements and ended up missing the flight. Now they both were on standby for the next scheduled departure, which was mine.

How could this happen? How could two savvy travelers miss their flight, even though they were sitting in the airport? As with most things that go wrong, there are many reasons…there wasn’t enough seating in the gate area, so they were waiting one gate down. That meant they couldn’t hear their flight announcements. They didn’t get text reminders of the boarding process. There weren’t any clocks nearby. But the main reason was that they were deep in conversation with each other. They weren’t looking at their phones, or watches, or paying attention to what was going on around them. They were completely focused on each other, deeply immersed in their conversation. What a blessing!

Those of you who know me (or have read my posts) know that I disdain most forms of social media, prefer actual books to electronic ones, and send cards and letters through the mail rather than relying solely on email and texts. However, I still use my phone too much. I use it instead of a watch, to check the weather, to shop (!) and of course for email, text and sometimes even phone conversations, and might check my phone while engaged in other activities (horrors!). The thought of being so involved in a conversation that I forget to check my phone, of choosing human interaction over a screen or a book, is intoxicating. As the next flight was further and further delayed, the three of us continued to get to know one another, sharing our histories, concerns and joys (and a pizza), comparing personalities (enneagram anyone?), and just enjoying the personal interaction.

All three of us ended up unexpectedly spending the night in Chicago, not because we missed the next flight through inattention but because it was oversold. We met back at the airport the next morning and eventually all made it to our destinations. And although we each missed out on things originally planned for the previous night, we agreed that we were divinely intended to meet. Perhaps that missed flight wasn’t something that went wrong, but something that went right. After all, although Joyce and Maura might have become friends if they were on the right airplane, I wouldn’t have met them. If I had used the airport time to check emails or finish the book I was reading, I wouldn’t have delighted in getting to know them. I don’t know the reason our paths crossed, but I do believe there is a purpose, even if that purpose is not immediately evident. We humans are not created to be alone. Alone time is necessary, but we are intended to be in community with one another, and create new communities as we age. Perhaps this new community is just the three of us, or maybe it will grow (hopefully not through more missed flights!). But how fun it is to create unexpected connections with new friends, people we would not have met outside this random event.

I am an inveterate optimist, seeing my glass not just as half full but as about to be refilled. So it is true that I look for the silver lining in everything, and take pains to find moments of joy every day. I did have to learn this over time–someday I’ll write about the missed flight in 1993 when I found myself moaning to gate agents in Chicago that they were ruining my honeymoon. But my life is better because of this learned attitude, and therefore I want to help others find joy as well–hence this blog! Joy can exist alongside grief, pain, frustration and sadness. Joy does not make those emotions any less real, but it can make them more bearable.

Hopefully nothing goes wrong in your day, and all your travel goes smoothly. But if something does go wrong, be it little or big, I challenge you to find a smile anyway. Make a new friend. Enjoy a new restaurant. Read a blog post (even if it’s on your phone!). Get Garrett’s popcorn in the airport (Chicago Mix, natch). And remember, as Matthew Quick wrote in The Silver Linings Playbook, “You gotta pay attention to signs. When life reaches out with a moment like this it’s a sin if you don’t reach back.”