Sometimes it is not your fault

I believe in taking responsibility for your mistakes. And boy, I have made plenty of mistakes! Sometimes it’s pretty obvious that it was my fault (um, I forgot to plug in the crock pot so when I got home from work we had a pot full of raw meat…); sometimes, it’s not as clear (I’m really not sure who left the basement lights on all night). Those are easy situations, of course, and life is full of more difficult moments. But sometimes it truly isn’t my fault, and I’m going to stop kicking myself on those occasions and accept that sometimes, stuff just happens.

For example: recently, I made a batch of homemade biscuits with my favorite baking mix. (Breakfast guests once said my biscuits aren’t technically homemade because I use a mix, but I think anything I have to stir myself counts as homemade. Interestingly, those guests haven’t been back…) This particular batch of biscuits did not come out light and fluffy, however, as they usually do. Instead, they were as hard as little brickbats. (Side note: my mother-in-law refers to hard things as “brickbats,” and although I have adopted that phrase and been using it for over three decades, I’m still not sure what a brickbat is. If anyone knows, please share!) As is my wont, I took full responsibility for the nasty little things, and dumped them in the trash while pivoting to a different breakfast plan. I was pretty angry with myself, muttering under my breath, slamming things around in the kitchen, and generally behaving like an unhappy toddler. What did I do wrong, I wondered. Stir too much? Bake too long? Not enough milk? I’ve been making biscuits the same way for so long I never consult the directions. Had I completely forgotten how to do it?

After mulling these issues for two weeks I worked up the courage to try again, but this time I had a backup plan: another box of baking mix. If the first batch did not come out, I would make a second batch with the new, unopened box and compare results. If both batches were bad, it was my baking and I’d have to figure out another reason. But if the first batch was bad, yet the second good, then huzzah! Not my fault!

And so it was. The first batch came out as hard as little brickbats again. (Someday I’m going to find a brickbat and see just how hard that is.) The second batch, however, was back to light and fluffy goodness. Whew! I could stop beating myself up for the subpar biscuits. I shouldn’t require such an experiment to offer myself grace for less than perfect baked goods–why is it so difficult to forgive my own mistakes? However, it sure felt good that this screw up, at least, wasn’t due to my own error but to a flaw in the mix. Victory!

So clearly, it’s okay for things to go wrong if there is a reason for it. There could have been many reasons, of course. Joliet Jake Blues had a great list: “I ran out of gas! I had a flat tire! I didn’t have enough money for cab fare! My tux didn’t come back from the cleaners! An old friend came in from out of town! Someone stole my car! There was an earthquake! A terrible flood! Locusts! It wasn’t my fault!!” Of course, in Jake’s situation, it really was his fault, and he should have taken responsibility. But I’m going to keep that list handy for the next time I made biscuits–just in case.